The allure of wealth: how status shapes identity and self-worth

“Her voice is full of money.”

Those are the words of Jay Gatsby, self-made millionaire and doomed hero of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby. He is referring to his long lost love Daisy Buchanan, and her remarkable aura of wealth.

For Gatsby, Daisy embodies everything he desires: wealth, prestige, and membership of an elite world where life is measured in material success, not character or values. Stories of finding identity and validation through wealth have a timeless pull, so much so that we may have to admit that Fitzgerald’s fictional world is closer to ours than we might like.

Wealth and status are powerful markers of identity, shaping how we see ourselves and interpret others. Society teaches us to assign value based on visible markers—career titles, luxury brands, carefully curated vacation photos shared online.

This creates an “inner voice of money and status”, a voice that whispers self-worth lies in what we own and display.

But this influence isn’t limited to those chasing luxury yachts; it’s woven, often unconsciously, into everyday choices. Take, for example, the urge to buy the latest smartphone for a child. This may appear as a practical choice or a gesture of care, but often it’s a subtle way of signaling inclusion—a quiet way of saying, “You belong.”

Or consider the satisfaction of wearing a recognizable designer logo. We may feel momentarily validated, more aligned with an aspirational self-image, even if we never say these thoughts out loud. These small choices steadily reinforce a culture that equates worth with appearance, —even if such a culture doesn’t align with our deeper values.

 

Comply, rebel, or be free? Navigating our inner voice of wealth

We encounter this “inner voice of money and status” in the media, workplaces, and social feeds. And we may start to question: how deeply do these markers of wealth and worth define us?

For many, the link between self-worth and wealth is so embedded that it shapes choices and relationships. Whether through career pursuits, luxury goods, or “keeping up,” wealth can bind us to societal measures of success, subtly molding our identity. As we judge ourselves by these standards, we naturally apply the same lens to others, fueling a self-perpetuating cycle of envy and self-criticism.

But conforming to these social pressures isn’t the only possible response.

Some take a defiant stance, rejecting these markers of wealth entirely. But this response too can be complex.

Often this rejection isn’t about true freedom, but a reaction borne of resentment or rebellion. For instance, those who feel alienated by material expectations might embrace minimalism as a counter-identity, a way of saying, “I don’t need these things to define me.”

If this stance becomes a source of pride, it can trap us in a different kind of attachment. After all, wealth is still present—as an absence. This reaction is still a way of defining oneself in relation to societal norms, suggesting that wealth continues to hold sway.

True freedom, then, may lie not in rebelling against society’s symbols of wealth, but in developing an inner clarity that allows for authentic choices, free from the need for validation.

Freedom begins with clarity: without this clarity, reactionary choices keep us tethered, defining us not by who we are but what we resist. Real liberation comes when we’re able to make life choices without referring to society’s markers, listening instead to our values and priorities.

 

Status over fulfillment: when achievements become “Spiritual Materialism”

Our attachment to wealth and status often goes beyond possessions and appearances. It can permeate our accomplishments and careers.

Career success, prestigious titles, or the notion of “making it” can become symbols of self-worth, rather than authentic expressions of purpose. Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa refers to this as “spiritual materialism”—the tendency to treat personal achievements as trophies to feed the ego.

Just as wealth can serve as a crutch for validation, career accomplishments often act as badges of self-importance. We use them to shape our self-image in the eyes of others, rather than for our own fulfillment.

But if career success is about status rather than genuine fulfillment, are we truly free? If our sense of identity relies on titles or accolades, we risk defining ourselves by external validation, not inner values. Trungpa warns that this mindset reinforces ego rather than dissolving it, transforming us from evolving individuals into characters confined by our own roles and achievements. Are we evolving, or just playing a role?

This attachment doesn’t just influence our relationship with ourselves; it often impacts how we approach wealth planning for our families. For instance, parents who tie their self-worth to financial success might find it hard if their children do not do the same. If a parent has spent their career in a lucrative sector, they might struggle to see their children opting to pursue other endeavors (such as creativity or philanthropy).

Tensions can emerge if children pursue less financially-driven careers, like creative or social work. This can create a quiet, persistent friction, making it harder for family members to understand and support each other’s choices.

Reflecting on this question—whether our achievements genuinely enrich our lives or merely reinforce an image—can help us approach wealth planning differently. By recognizing which pursuits align with true values, we can foster a legacy that’s not just financially sound but also personally meaningful, supporting the fulfillment and individuality of each family member.

 

Untangling wealth from identity: a path to inner clarity

This brings us to a key question: why is wealth so intertwined with our sense of self? Reflecting on this can help us to separate who we are from what we own, offering valuable clarity and fresh perspective on wealth planning.

Wealth speaks to fundamental human needs, as the psychologist Abraham Maslow outlined: security, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Financial wealth provides safety; career achievements offer esteem; luxury items imply belonging. But by itself, financial wealth addresses these needs superficially, without fulfilling the deeper desires for connection, purpose, and meaning.

The Conduct Formula—LQ = W * R², where Life (and Legacy) Quality equals Wealth multiplied by Relationships squared—offers a holistic model to broaden our view of wealth.

In this formula, wealth encompasses five key dimensions: financial, physical, emotional, intellectual, and social. Acknowledging that true fulfillment arises from nurturing all these aspects, the Conduct Formula encourages a shift from accumulation towards building a rich and meaningful life in every area. Each dimension of wealth brings us closer to a life of meaning.

Through this expanded view of wealth, families can break free from over-identification with financial success alone. They can come to see wealth not just as a number but as a multi-dimensional resource that enhances well-being, relationships, and growth.

To see how this shifts wealth planning, imagine a family integrating the Conduct Formula into their legacy. Rather than focusing solely on financial inheritance, they create a “Relational Inc.”—a fund used to invest resources in experiences and initiatives that foster connection, such as family retreats, shared learning opportunities, or joint philanthropic efforts.

This approach deepens relationships and expands wealth’s purpose, grounding it in shared meaning and values rather than just material accumulation.

Each dimension of the Conduct Formula adds depth to this view:

• Financial wealth provides the foundation, ensuring security and the resources to support other dimensions.
• Physical wealth prioritizes health and vitality, enabling family members to enjoy and contribute fully.
• Emotional wealth supports resilience and emotional health, including practices like family coaching or conflict resolution.
• Intellectual wealth nurtures curiosity and growth, funding educational pursuits and encouraging lifelong learning.
• Social wealth emphasizes connection and shared purpose, fostering family governance structures that promote cohesion and mutual respect.

By valuing all these dimensions, wealth planning becomes a path to enduring satisfaction and freedom. It grounds identity in a broader understanding of wealth, where fulfillment is found not only in assets but in relationships, purpose, and personal growth. This approach redefines wealth as a means to live fully, fostering a legacy that reflects who we are at our core—not just our financial worth.

In this way, the Conduct Formula encourages individuals and families to explore a fuller spectrum of wealth, freeing themselves from attachment to financial status and discovering new meaning and purpose. Wealth becomes a dynamic, multi-faceted resource, inviting us to shape our legacy around what truly matters.

 

When the “inner voice of money” is silent, what remains?

Imagine a life where fulfillment isn’t tied to financial worth. If wealth can shape our sense of self, how might we free ourselves from its hold?

By embracing all dimensions of wealth—financial, emotional, intellectual, physical, and social—we gain a different perspective on the societal pressures that define us. In this way, wealth planning becomes a journey toward a grounded life, filled with purpose and values that align with our true selves.

Consider the motivations guiding your approach to wealth. Is it financial security, legacy, something more meaningful, or a mix of it all? Exploring how relational, emotional, intellectual, and social wealth might shape your choices can open up new possibilities for fulfillment. True freedom lies in making choices that resonate with who we are. What would that freedom feel like?

In our view, wealth planning has to be more than financial. It should be a way to fulfill personal, familial, and societal aspirations, fostering a life rooted in connections and purpose that endure beyond material gain.

 

Questions to reflect on wealth, identity, and legacy across generations

1. How does the “inner voice of wealth” influence your life choices—and how might it shape those of the next generation? Reflect on where financial considerations or societal expectations shape your sense of worth.
   • For the wealth-owning generation: How do you see this influencing your children?
   • For the younger generation: How do you interpret the financial values you see in your family?
2. In what ways has wealth become part of your identity?
   • For the wealth-owning generation: How does your sense of self connect to the wealth you’ve built?
   • For the younger generation: How do you see wealth influencing your identity, and what does it represent to you?
3. How does the Conduct Formula resonate with your approach to wealth?
   • For both generations, consider which aspects—financial, physical, emotional, intellectual, and social wealth—are most relevant to you.
   • Which dimensions might need more focus to foster a balanced, fulfilling life?
4. What kind of legacy do you want to build, and how would each generation contribute to it?
   • For the wealth-owning generation: What values do you hope to pass on, beyond material wealth?
   • For the younger generation: How do you see yourself carrying forward—or perhaps redefining—these values in the future?
5. What practices could help each generation hear their “inner voice” over societal voices?
   • For both generations: How can you make choices that reflect your true values? How might acknowledging and nurturing all dimensions of wealth lead to a life and legacy that feel authentic for each generation?