Life’s journey is rarely straightforward. Our destination is sometimes unanticipated, governed by unforeseen laws. This is just as true for individuals as for families. In times of material abundance, both may forget the qualities that brought them prosperity.

Throughout history, entire civilizations have declined due to an overabundance of resources, leading to complacency, lack of motivation, and diminished resilience. How, then, can families sustain the values and virtues that once drove their achievements, even amid abundance?

 

Affluence and erosion: Real life lessons from a fictional family

Such is the theme of Thomas Mann’s epic, Nobel Prize-winning family novel Buddenbrooks.

The novel chronicles the gradual degeneration of a once-prosperous merchant family in Lübeck, spanning from 1835 to 1877. Drawing from his own family’s history, Mann vividly depicts the social and economic changes of the 19th century. He uses Lübeck’s historical context as a backdrop for the family’s rise and fall amid the shifting fortunes of the merchant class.

At the height of their prosperity, the Buddenbrook family enjoyed great wealth and social standing. As they grow wealthier, the values that originally built their fortune begin to erode. Initially, Thomas Buddenbrook is able to maintain the family business. But he eventually becomes preoccupied with maintaining social status, rather than hard work and innovation. This leads to significant stress and a decline in his health, ultimately causing his early death. As he reflects: “How can we be expected to thrive when we are so preoccupied with appearance, status, and luxury? Our energy is sapped, our vitality drained.”

Thomas’s brother, Christian Buddenbrook, epitomises this lack of energy, vitality, and motivation. He asks: “Work? Responsibility? Those are for others. I’ve always had everything I needed handed to me. Why should I strive for more?”

The family’s decline culminates with Thomas’s son, Hanno, who retreats into music, seeking refuge from the expectations of maintaining the family legacy. Ultimately, he breaks entirely from the family’s entrepreneurial spirit, admitting that “music is my refuge. The world of business, the expectations, they suffocate me. I cannot live up to the legacy, nor do I wish to.”

This gradual erosion of business acumen, personal discipline, and resilience ultimately results in the family’s economic and social downfall.

With his deeply psychological insights, Mann shows how abundance can shape an individual’s sense of self. What’s more, he illustrates what can happen when self-worth is tied to material possessions and social status. If this wealth fluctuates, an identity crisis can ensue. Finally, he demonstrates that high expectations to maintain this wealth (and status) can lead to significant psychological stress.

 

The neuroscience of abundance: Impact on motivation and resilience

Maintaining core values and virtues during times of economic abundance is a challenge for young and old.

Let’s consider the perspective of the younger generation. Children growing up in abundance often face unique challenges that significantly impact their brain development and personality. The wealth of resources available to them can create specific stressors, leading to a lack of motivation and resilience. Unlike their peers – who may experience greater scarcity – these children may not encounter the same levels of struggle and necessity that drive growth and problem-solving skills. Neuroscientific research indicates that constant access to rewards can desensitise the brain’s reward system. In turn, this reduces dopamine release, making it harder to feel motivated by everyday achievements. The brain becomes accustomed to high levels of stimulation, requiring more significant rewards to trigger the same level of pleasure and motivation.

Additionally, without the adversity that fosters resilience, children might miss out on developing crucial life skills and emotional fortitude. Training the brain is like training a muscle; it strengthens through regular challenges and overcoming obstacles. The brain’s ability to adapt and reorganise itself — known as neural plasticity — is often enhanced by facing and overcoming challenges. Without these experiences, individuals who grow up in abundance may have underdeveloped coping mechanisms and problem-solving abilities.

This absence of struggle can inhibit the development of a robust work ethic, which includes both personal diligence — such as self-discipline and persistence — and professional dedication. A comprehensive work ethic is crucial for personal growth, enduring success, and fulfilment. Paradoxically, the comfort that comes with affluence can undermine the personal growth necessary for long-term well-being.

So, then: what strategies can foster motivation and resilience within environments of abundance?

 

Overcoming desire: Turning impulsive rewards into growth by distinguishing need from want

The first hurdle for both generations is understanding the neuroscience of self-regulation. Emotional regulation strategies are essential for managing responses and reinforcing behaviours aligned with our needs. But how can this be achieved?

Neuroscience reveals our brains are not naturally wired to distinguish between “need” and “want.” This distinction is crucial for recognizing the difference between short-term desires and long-term outcomes, vital for developing self-discipline and achieving delayed gratification.

Consider the example of being offered a cookie. Most of us will want it immediately, driven by our brain’s reward system and neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is released in response to rewarding stimuli (like the cookie) fuelling both essential survival behaviours (needs) and pleasure-seeking behaviours (wants). Both needs (e.g. the need to eat when hungry) and wants (e.g. the desire to indulge in a treat) are activated, making it challenging to distinguish between the two.

Only once we are developing and using the prefrontal cortex can we evaluate the long-term consequences of our actions. The prefrontal cortex plays a crucial role in conscious decision-making, impulse control, and future planning. Normally, once the brain matures, individuals gain better control over impulses and can more effectively differentiate between needs and wants.

They are able to make decisions that align with long-term well-being and sustainability. In turn, health, relationships, and personal growth are maintained. Continually giving into wants can lead to short-term gratification – but long-term dissatisfaction and instability.

To add to the complexity, emotional states can blur the distinction between needs and wants. During stress or anxiety, the brain often prioritises immediate wants (e.g. comfort food) over long-term needs (e.g. healthy eating). This highlights the importance of developing both emotional resilience and self-discipline to maintain a balanced approach to giving and receiving. It is essential for both older and younger generations to cultivate ‘mature brains’ and create environments that strengthen resilience.

But this is easier said than done – particularly for children in affluent environments who experience intense pressure, emotional isolation, and a lack of meaningful parental involvement. Such children can exhibit high rates of substance use, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, cheating, and stealing. The paradox of ‘having it all’ underscores how stress can override the brain’s executive functions, leading to difficulties in distinguishing between needs and wants and resulting in self-destructive or harmful behaviours.

Addressing these issues requires a focus on fostering environments that support mental well-being, strengthen family connections, and promote the development of robust coping mechanisms. This foundation helps individuals consciously distinguish between needs and wants.

But in affluent families, how does one develop the awareness of this distinction in wealth, lifestyles, and expenses?

 

The parent’s path is the child’s guide: The challenge of creating consistent financial attitudes and education

Let’s now turn to the older generation. Before we can explore how to consciously distinguish between needs and wants in affluent environments, it’s important to recognize that our spending and saving attitudes are largely unconscious, operating on “autopilot”, and heavily influenced by our upbringing.

From early on, we emulate our parents’ financial behaviours, shaping our perceptions of needs and wants. Growing up in abundance, where needs are met and luxuries are normal, can skew our understanding of what is essential. Early financial education is crucial, but when everything is readily available, teaching the difference between essential needs and discretionary wants becomes challenging. The constant availability of luxury items can lead to perceiving these items as necessities, creating a mindset where wants are seen as needs.

Consistency in financial attitudes is crucial. The “wrong attitude” in the younger generation often stems from the behaviour and examples set by the older generation. Inconsistent messaging and external influences, such as social media and environmental factors, can further complicate behavioural changes. Double standards in families and significant fluctuations in wealth, especially increases, create additional challenges.

When financial resources are limited, individuals and families tend to be more cautious about spending, prioritising needs over wants.

However, increased wealth often tempts families to “scale up.” When the older generation indulges in newfound wealth, it becomes difficult for the younger generation to differentiate between necessities and desires, and to cope with the emotional aspects that come with the newly acquired wealth, life, and status. The abundance of wealth shifts thresholds, making it challenging for all generations to consistently navigate between needs and wants, further complicating guidance for the younger generation.

As seen in Buddenbrooks, both older and the younger generations may encounter new social dynamics as the family climbs the social ladder. Reactions to newfound wealth may range from admiration and support to jealousy and resentment. This can lead to feelings of isolation or guilt as they struggle to navigate these changes in social interactions. As family wealth expands, individuals may also feel overwhelmed by the increased responsibilities of managing it, coupled with anxiety and fear of losing their wealth and the pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle. They may also develop a casual attitude toward money, resulting in lifestyle inflation and a lack of financial discipline.

To address these challenges and risks, what strategies and solutions can be implemented?

 

Developing emotional and financial regulation strategies: Finding the golden rule of living and giving

Managing wealth and raising children in affluent families presents unique challenges. Parents must help their children distinguish between needs and wants while nurturing values that prevent entitlement. This effort begins with understanding the inherent complexities of abundance, where the lines between essentials and luxuries obfuscate, making financial discipline a constant effort.

Parents play a crucial role in teaching their children problem-solving skills, emotional regulation, and the ability to handle setbacks. By understanding the brain’s reward system, they can guide their children to make informed decisions and resist impulsive behaviours. Balanced parenting combines love with discipline, sets boundaries, and emphasises the value of effort and delayed gratification. This balance is essential to prevent entitlement and foster resilience and self-reliance.

Aligning financial behaviour with personal or family values and long-term goals is an ongoing process that requires reflection, emotional support, and consistent effort. While this challenge affects both generations, it is primarily the responsibility of the older generation, as they set the example and pass on their wealth to the younger generation.

Wealth owners and parents face challenging questions:

• How much money should each family member receive?
• What lifestyle is considered ‘normal,’ healthy, and sustainable for all?
• Are there differences in what parents (who have navigated their financial journey and may have worked for their wealth) can afford compared to the younger generation (who are still finding their paths and developing their maturity around wealth)?
• If such differences exist, are they clearly understood and communicated transparently?

Once these foundational questions are addressed, further questions arise:

• When and how should the wealth be distributed — outright as capital, as income, or perhaps kept in a trust for a period?
• What conditions, if any, should be set for distributions?
• Should achievements in education, career, or other areas be rewarded?
• Should every family member receive the same amount, regardless of their role in preserving and growing family assets?

These questions are crucial in developing a wealth strategy and plan that preserves financial assets while upholding values that contribute to a fulfilling and meaningful family life. However, implementing such a plan is no simple feat. It requires understanding, conscious awareness, self-discipline, and consistency.

How can these qualities be effectively developed and maintained?

 

Balancing generosity and responsibility: Practising empathetic but tough love

Parents often want to give their children the best. This may turn out to be “too much”. Similarly, we tend to indulge our own desires. Being honest about these tendencies is challenging, because we are prone to validate and justify our behaviours, leading to indulgence and inconsistency.

Overcompensation — towards ourselves or our children — can exclude experiences that build character and resilience. To combat this, parents must set consistent rules for giving. Balanced parenting involves combining love with discipline, setting boundaries, and teaching the value of effort and delayed gratification, which prevents entitlement and fosters self-reliance.

Practising empathetic, tough love is beneficial in the long run. But it’s important to differentiate between leniency and genuine love, which sets boundaries and provides discipline with clear guidelines and long-term objectives. By openly discussing, adhering to, and constantly adapting core values and principles, families can resist the allure of materialism and societal pressures, finding the right balance between generosity and responsibility.

Regularly revisiting and reassessing financial decisions ensures they remain aligned with evolving values and goals. This practice helps maintain a sense of purpose and fulfilment, as wealth is used not just for personal gain, but also to make a positive impact on the community, and the world. This approach fosters a life of thoughtful and meaningful financial stewardship that can be passed down to future generations.

Intentional financial practices can raise responsible, grounded individuals. Education and open communication are crucial in addressing financial challenges. Early financial education helps children distinguish between needs and wants. Allowing them to make and learn from mistakes in a controlled environment, with adequate freedom for their own decisions, develops decision-making skills, responsibility, and resilience. Parents also benefit from this process, learning to maintain consistency and model good financial habits. Establishing healthy intergenerational dialogue can be enjoyable, while developing the brain’s executive functions and emotional maturity helps each family member make informed financial decisions. Ultimately, this paves the way for a prosperous, values-driven life.

 

Developing a clear strategy and an agile, tangible plan for prosperity

Now that we have explored the foundational principles, let’s put them into practice.

The challenges of abundance are significant, posing risks to the well-being and longevity of a family. Building wealth is hard but preserving it can be equally challenging. While entrepreneurs and families use clear visions, strategic plans, and constant evaluations to invest in their business, they often neglect to apply the same approach to family well-being. Family dynamics and individual developments may not always be immediately visible, and addressing unpleasant aspects and areas for change can be difficult.

Our Conduct Formula suggests that quality of life is a function of wealth and relationships squared. This means that only by developing all dimensions of wealth — physical, emotional, mental, social, and financial — and by fostering strong personal and professional relationships, can a family and individuals truly thrive.

A healthy approach to financial wealth involves building emotional resilience, mental strength, social connections, and physical well-being, all embedded in functional, strong relationships. This holistic approach helps prevent complacency and lays the foundation for an enduring future.

To achieve lasting prosperity, families need a comprehensive plan that addresses both technical and relational aspects. Understanding the cyclical nature of individual and family life, as illustrated by our Family Legacy Cycle, provides crucial clarity and strategic direction. Tools like the Family Wealth Navigator ensure thorough asset overview, predictability, and governance. This involves defining asset and income purposes and creating sustainable “asset algorithms” aligned with our Purpose of Wealth Model.

These steps transform long-term goals into actionable strategies, harmonising financial stewardship with legacy planning. The result is a comprehensive wealth plan, effectively structured with appropriate wealth planning tools and supported by robust governance.

By focusing on behavioural awareness and financial education, fostering resilience, and balancing generosity with responsibility, families can navigate the pitfalls of affluence. This ensures a rich live of enduring prosperity and personal fulfilment, enabling families to convert their wealth into a purposeful existence and a prosperous future.

 

Practical study on your wealth, values, and virtues to navigate affluence:

1. Self-reflection: How has your attitude towards wealth, status, and work changed over time? How have your family witnessed these changes?
2. Parental influence: What are your key messages around wealth, and how do your spending habits influence your children’s financial behaviour? Do you discuss the differences between your financial habits and theirs? Are there changes you can make to set a better example?
3. Rules and boundaries, and work ethic: Are you clear and consistent about defining “needs” versus “wants” in your family, and setting rules around financial support accordingly? What specific work ethic standards do you set, such as the importance of earning one’s own money or contributing to household chores, to foster personal growth and self-reliance?
4. Balancing generosity and responsibility: How can you practice empathetic tough love to ensure your wealth contributes to the long-term well-being of all family members while fostering your children’s personal growth and independence?
5. Balancing external demands and internal values: What strategies does your family implement to balance external demands and pressure (lifestyle, status, success level) with internal family values and wellbeing?
6. Building resilience: What strategies help your children develop emotional resilience and self-discipline to cope with growing up in an affluent environment? How can they manage impulses and make thoughtful financial decisions?
7. Financial education: How can you integrate financial education into everyday family life, providing opportunities for your children to learn about money management, budgeting, and the importance of making and learning from their own financial mistakes?
8. Conditional generosity: What milestones or conditions are you setting for your children to gain responsible access to wealth?
9. Monitoring progress: What tangible and intangible KPIs can you set to regularly monitor and evaluate your family’s development and quality of life, ensuring alignment with your goals and values?