Opening the horizon: how psychotherapy can encourage
a deeper understanding of the complexities of wealth
We speak to an expert psychotherapist on how wealth owners can realise the different
dimensions of their wealth and relationships.
When one thinks of wealth planning, it can be tempting to see it as a purely technical discipline.
After all, one might think, isn’t it mostly a question of financial considerations?
At Conduct, we advocate for a more nuanced, more holistic conception of wealth. Throughout our Conduct Conversations, we’ve sought out discussions with like-minded individuals, from a range of different disciplines.
We were delighted to speak with Dr. Marius Neukom, a psychotherapist and counsellor with years of experience of working with and advising wealth owners.
We spoke to him about the challenges today’s wealth owners face, and how psychotherapy might help.
1. How did you first begin to work with wealth owners?
My background is in clinical psychology. I spent many years at the University of Zurich, researching and teaching, as well as offering a kind of “walk-in” clinic.
But for the past ten years, I’ve worked independently with my own practice. I offer psychotherapy, combined with counselling and business coaching, for individuals, leaders, or teams facing challenges in their work, or wider life.
Ultimately, I’m interested in people and their emotional lives. That’s why I find working with wealth owners so interesting – the situations and challenges they face can place unique pressures on their wellbeing.
2. Let’s explore those challenges. What difference can wealth make to a person’s emotional wellbeing?
Well, there are really two scenarios here:
- The person who becomes wealthy (such as an entrepreneur)
- And the person who is born wealthy (such as the second-generation of a wealth-owning family)
I’ll start with the first scenario. Of course, becoming wealthy can change a person’s life in all sorts of ways – often in ways that are very desirable (and which a person may have been working towards for a long time). They may feel proud of themselves, pleased that they have reached an important milestone and achieved a new “independence”.
But becoming wealthy may also bring surprises.
In the long run, a person may discover that their fantasies about being wealthy don’t quite match the reality. They may discover that they are not quite as independent or “free” as they imagined. They may realise that “being wealthy” can feel like a job in itself – with new challenges and expectations.
For example: a client of mine realised that, whenever he checked into an expensive hotel, he felt a pressure to dress like the other guests. Another became passionate at art, but subsequently found visiting galleries – full of art that they did not own – to be a difficult experience.
Likewise, they may discover that their relationships change, or that new people are suddenly more attracted to them. In addition, their influence on those around them may grow.
The other frequent challenge is a loss of meaning and purpose. After all, once this milestone has been achieved, what happens next?
3. What about the second scenario, where someone has inherited wealth?
When you inherit money, it’s different. Wealth is “just there”, and always has been. As such, it won’t play the same role in the sense of self as it will with an entrepreneur.
What’s more, you may not be able to perceive how this wealth influences and shapes your development.
For example: an entrepreneur will be able to recognise how they are treated differently once they achieved significant wealth. The same may not be true for someone who has inherited wealth.
So, how can you gain this sense of self?
I advise my clients to start off by analysing their internal motivation system. What do they care about? What do they want to achieve? Often, this requires going outside the family and their immediate environment to define a clearer sense of self (and to realise that their identity is not reliant on their family’s wealth).
4. Is there ever tension between generations of wealth owners?
This tension is often the result of misunderstanding around the need for younger members to define their own sense of self, and their own set of values (which may even be different from the family values.)
To do so almost always requires some degree of separation, which inevitably brings new challenges. It’s important that both generations recognise this.
Similarly to the entrepreneur who discovers that owning wealth is a job in itself, the younger generation can sometimes be surprised to discover how much work and energy is required to preserve this wealth. They inherited it, and now they have to care for it. Such wealth can quickly feel like a burden.
In such situations, I advise conversation between the younger and older generations. That way, they can explore the obligations and responsibilities of this wealth, in a positive, constructive way.
5. If a wealth owner feels they lack a sense of purpose and meaning, how can they respond?
It’s a big question. Let’s say an entrepreneur has made it their primary goal to become wealthy.
Once this is achieved, a gap may open – and the entrepreneur may feel the urge to fill it with other things. Or they may feel the need to reinvent themselves, leaving behind their former identity to find a new one.
However they respond, it’s important to understand the significance of this challenge. In my experience, this can be a severe crisis. An individual’s entire self-concept and internal organisation is falling apart.
I think the first step is to realise that there is no single solution to this challenge. To realise that, when it comes to wealth, the emotional complexities are rich and varied. To realise that analysing one’s emotions is a positive, healthy process. And to nurture the ability to be passive. The instinct may be to pursue a new set of goals. But behaving passively gives you time to adjust to a new reality.
I often observe that, while pursuing their business ambitions, entrepreneurs can sometimes lose a sense of what emotions are for – and why they’re important. It can take time to find this awareness again – if it existed in the first place.
This can be especially difficult if a wealth owner’s illusion has been proven to be false.
For example: an entrepreneur who sells their business may believe that they are about to really start living. But then the money arrives in their bank account, and they realise the opposite. In that scenario, it’s important to have an advisor who says more than just “oh, this is to be expected”. Instead, it’s important to have someone with the honesty and empathy to say: “this will be a journey, but here’s how we can do it together”.
6. What about when there is an economic downturn?
This can be extremely destabilising, of course. I’ve often observed that, the more wealth someone has, the more sensitive they are to these changes.
For many wealth owners, these changes may cause feelings of insecurity – which may feel new and strange.
After all, they may previously have believed themselves to be “safe”. And, while an economic downturn may only have a “limited” impact on their wealth, many people will struggle to view things so mechanically. Whether it is one “unit” or a million, the feeling of loss may still be the same, requiring a new process of investigation and understanding.
In such situations, the instinct may be to focus entirely on financial wealth – and how to protect it. This might even come at the expense of relationships, and risk causing long-term harm to the other forms of wealth, like emotional or relational.
So I advise my clients to widen their horizon. I encourage them to explore the other values that are important to them, and realise the other dimensions of their wealth. In this respect, the Conduct Formula is a useful tool, as it enables a wealth owner to focus on more than just the financial aspect of wealth.
7. What about the role of the Conduct Formula?
Of course, a lot of this process is more of an art than an exact science.
But what I appreciate about the Conduct Formula is the way it enables a wealth owner to understand that the quality of their life (and legacy) cannot be measured by financial wealth owner. And the way it encourages them to consider how wealth is multidimensional, composing of financial, physical, emotional, intellectual and social aspects.
For example: by using the Conduct Formula, a wealth owner may realise that their relational wealth – i.e. the strength of their relationships with family members – needs more energy invested into it, and a capacity to understand, manage, and express those emotions.
In doing so, they have an “inventory” of the different aspects of their wealth, and the ones that need the most attention (or even expert help).
8. What advice would you give individuals who advise wealth owners?
I think it’s important not to focus exclusively on your specialisation – and to remember the emotional aspects of any situation.
It’s important to have a dual perspective, and realise that these situations are complex not just because of the financial technicalities. In my experience, there’s always a risk that an advisor can treat a situation as a process to be managed and completed.
But humans aren’t like that. I think that’s something that Conduct understands. So, just as I advise my clients, I would advise the advisor: it’s time to broaden your horizons, and realise the different dimensions of wealth.
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